Hey #084: Are your life’s urgencies creating stress? Yes? Read on…
Stressful adulthood, urgent life and me 👇
Last 3 weeks have been so stressful.
I get over with one urgency and find the other one knocking on my door.
I want a breather. But things are piling up with their respective deadlines. And this will keep going on till Jan end.
2 more weeks to go. Then only I'll be able to get a breather. I hope!
I started writing this edition after my mom told me how she wants my help on the coming weekend.
I thought — “Dang. Another urgency!”
I got frustrated. I got overwhelmed.
I told her — “We gotta cut on certain things so that I can finish my work to-dos by this weekend. I am already running out of bandwidth for next week.”
She wasn't happy with my response. And I get it.
Since I knew that I don't have a schedule and mental bandwidth to accommodate more, I told her — “Let's handle it as it comes. It's futile to pre-plan so much.”
Her last words before I left the room were — “Still be prepared…”
Be prepared.
These two words added fuel to my overwhelm.
How do I prepare myself when all I want is to do nothing because I'm tired?
I'm excited about some of the upcoming events. But I'm also overwhelmed by the preparation of those events.
I'm relieved that I got free of some things last week. But I'm also worried by the list of things that got added for the next week.
I'm hoping that this will end by Jan. But how can I be sure?
What if another urgent thing comes up?
What if I don't end up getting time for a breather?
Just thinking about these “what ifs” gives me an exhausting feeling.
I know I'll still be able to manage things as they come. But the possibility of not being able to get a “day-off” from life's urgency is disturbing.
As I deal with this disturbance, my therapist’s words echo in my head:
“Welcome to adulthood, Ashi! Here something is on fire almost all the time. Yet we teach ourselves to live and enjoy life.”
Adulthood gives a full on urgency vibe.
I don't want to live such an urgent life. So I don’t feel very excited about “enjoying” adulthood.
Hence, whenever I find myself in phases like the current one (which have been coming quite frequently lately); the question “Is this what adulthood is all about?” crosses my mind.
Life has taught me nothing really is black or white. So with that question appears a thought, “I'm surely missing something!”
As I start thinking about what I'm missing, this is what I start gathering:
• Live life immediately.
It makes more sense than ever. Because “immediately” signifies the present.
So whatever is happening — no matter how good or bad; I need to focus on living it. The more I live it, the more I realize how temporary everything is.
This realization and remembrance of impermanence makes the present “bearable” in whatever shape or form it is.
• Live the present in its wholeness.
I know I'm stressed right now. I also know that I won't be stressed at some moment in the future.
Now I can get over my current stress by thinking of that future moment. Or I can manage my current stress by feeling it and expressing it (like I'm doing right now) even when I know it's temporary.
I'm choosing the latter approach which leads me to the former approach.
Meaning: As I accept my stress with its wholeness (since that's what my present is highlighting); I end up realizing its impermanence even more — which then helps me to zoom out from the present moment and perceive that stress-free future moment clearly.
• Live the future when it comes.
It's easy for me to get too caught up in the future moment which is free of stress. Because that's all I want right now.
If I don’t remain mindful, this longing leads to expectations.
Instead of taking that future moment as a reminder of my present’s impermanence, I start living the future in the present by putting so much hope in it. And I forget the uncertain nature of life.
So when the uncertainty strikes and that future moment doesn't occur the way I expected, it causes heartbreak. One that I personally find easy to avoid by not living the future in the present. Rather taking it just as a reminder and living it when it comes.
When I lean into the last three points, adulting start making sense.
I’m not saying that I’m now a fan of adulting. I’m not. Yet.
But I’m interested to sit in the lecture-hall of adulthood and listen to the ongoing and never-ending lecture on “How to live life?”
The same lecture-hall in which you, she, he, they…every adult is sitting.
This lecture has its own exams. It has its own results.
Some of us love those exams. Some of us hate them.
Regardless, I don't think any of us ever flunk these exams. Because in our own way, we're living the best we can.
At least we're trying to…in whichever way we can.
This is what we gotta remind ourselves when life’s urgencies start creating stress.
So I’m going to do just that.
What about you?
🦋
See you next Thursday,
Ashi
(this is me on LinkedIn)
In 24 hours of the day, you can do only so much. Even when everything is urgent, you’ve to figure out ways to say no to certain situations and people for your own sanity.
Where to find those ways?
Use this ebook “How to say NO?” to learn methods and tips to say no to people, despite the discomfort that no stirs.
Or book a discovery call with me.