Hey #094: Clouds, snow-capped mountains, frustration, expectations, and me.
Nature came to my rescue...again!
Two weeks back, I went on a trip to the mountains in Himachal Pradesh, India.
It was an adventure to attune mind, body and soul.
While prepping for the trip, I made sure that I carried no expectations.
Why?
A couple of my trips had gotten canceled in the last 4 months due to unforeseeable-yet-painful reasons. So I wasn’t really sure I’d make it to this trip, especially when it had been postponed one time before.
An experience in Feb (re)taught me the magic of spontaneity. That is, every teeny tiny thing carries within the capability to surprise us, if we just trust and let go of our expectations.
However, I must add – some of my expectations were really difficult to let go of since I had paid a good amount for this trip.
Anyways, the trip happened.
And it blew my mind, freed my heart, strengthened my body and rejuvenated my soul.
I had multiple sacred experiences which I’ve been treasuring in the secrecy of my gratitude. I’ve been very selective about what part of this trip I’m sharing with whom.
Though, there is one thing I haven’t shared with anyone (except for the people who were with me on the trip) which I want to share with my beloved HeyEmotions family.
Here it is…
The day we reached our campsite, I was agitated. I was feeling frustration and a lot of judgment for people I was with.
The more I dwelled in this frustration to figure its source, the more stuck I felt. By the evening of the first day, I reached a stage where I was frustrated and was able to observe this frustration alongside.
I somehow was letting it be.
In the night, we played some card games. And I started feeling lighter.
The next morning, I was feeling even better.
As the morning passed, my frustration started clouding the sky of my lightness again.
Seeing that happening, I got worried. And I started resisting, trying to hold onto the lightness so that I can avoid frustration altogether.
It worked for a few moments. Then all my efforts went in vain. And I found myself standing on this mountain top with a heaviness in heart.
This was my view from the spot I was standing…
I was looking at these white clouds, covering the snow-capped mountains.
And I thought to myself, “Yesterday, there wasn’t a single cloud. The snowy peaks were so clearly visible. Why are these clouds here! I can’t see the snowy peaks now…ahhh…umm…but wait…it’s not that bad…these clouds…well they look lovely too…”
This thought wasn’t even finished. And something broke open in me.
I realized:
These mountains are not at all bothered whether they’re covered by clouds or not.
Yesterday, there were no clouds. Yet the snowy mountains were standing in their glory. Today, there are so many clouds. Yet these mountains are standing as beautiful as ever.
In fact, their unbotheredness is beautifying these clouds.
The mountains know clouds will come and go. It’s them that’s gonna stay. How fiercely magnificent they are…
WOW!
Isn’t my heaviness and frustration like these clouds?
Why am I so bothered by it? Like these clouds, my frustration isn’t here to stay. Today, it’s here. Tomorrow it won’t. And maybe the day after tomorrow, it’ll return.
So what’s the point in getting stuck in my frustration? Why don’t I let it come and go just how it’s meant to?
After all…
I’m not the clouds. I’m the mountains.
I cannot explain the lightness I felt after this realization.
My heart was smiling. And my mind was bowing down in gratitude to the teacher of teachers, aka nature.
Till the next few days I was there, I made sure to spend some silent moments with these mountains and clouds every day.
I clicked so many pics too. Sharing a few with you.
Snowy mountains with no clouds at all…
Snowy mountains with dark hazy clouds…
Snowy mountains with fluffy white clouds…
Snowy mountains without any clouds, glowing with the light of the setting sun…
Just now while writing this, I’m getting another realization…
Remember I told you in the beginning of this article that I made sure I wasn’t carrying any expectations while embarking on this trip?
Expectations — they’re also clouds.
Like clouds, expectations are meant to come and go. We suffer when we hold onto these expectations like our life is dependent on them.
Think about it – How many times have you found yourself going through a loop of “Setting expectations - Going through their unfulfillment - Suffering in the agony of that unfulfillment - Repeat”?
The stage “Suffering in the agony of unfulfillment of expectations” is where the key of breaking this loop lies.
It’s natural to set expectations.
It’s natural to go through their unfulfillment.
Suffering happens when we hold onto that unfulfillment. That holding on makes it difficult (and in some cases impossible) to move beyond the suffering.
If we loosen our grip and let the clouds of expectations pass, we will meet the mountains of our own resilience.
The resilience which we don’t (yet) know we have in us. Due to which we don’t let go, thinking that we won’t be able to cope up with the consequences of letting expectations go.
But it’s far from the truth. Because:
“You are the mountain. Everything else is just clouds.”
This reminds me of a quote by Pema Chödrön.
“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
For me currently, mountains and clouds make more sense. So I’ll pick them. You pick what you feel aligned with the most. The essence is what that matters ✨
By the way, it was not the first time that nature came to my rescue. One such major rescue happened when I was standing on the beach and looking at the sea. I wrote all about it here.
I must say, in all 93 editions so far I’ve never shared so many pics in one edition everrrr.
I shared those pics because they carry magic.
I witnessed this magic first-hand. I made sure to capture that magic via these pics (if you sit with these pics and connect with them, you’ll experience the magic yourself).
And I decided to share these pics with you because I want my HeyEmotions fam to experience this magic.
So please don’t just look at these pics. Try to connect with them.
You’ll be amazed.
🦋
I’ll see you in the next one,
Ashi
ps: This is me sitting on a rock while we were trekking towards a stream of river. This is also the happiest me in a long time.
Calendly: Let’s discover what sort of solutions your current career/ relationships/ personal growth challenges need. How does this work? You tell me what is troubling you. I listen. You tell more. I listen more. I ask questions. You answer. Then I tell you what we can do so that you can win over those challenges. All in 30 min!
LinkedIn: Read my content every day and explore a thing or two. I write on self-expression, being confident with one’s own vulnerability, authenticity, relationships, communication, my personal stories, and a bunch of other stuff.
Ashi! I loved the part about expectations. I always read your newsletter fully at the right time. Since 2 days I had this weird block in my chest because of an expectation I had...and today it looked like it won't happen:)
So I've been slowly working on releasing it lol
Our emotions are so deep and complex and simple at the same time isn't it?
P.S.: Loved loved loved the pictures! And you look so happy!❤️
"You are the mountain. Everything else is just clouds." Loved this quote. ❤️
Emotions never define the kind of person you are, as they come and go depending on the situation. But the way you deal with them defines 'you'.
There is something I have always noticed: Whenever I read your write-ups, it feels like you are sitting in front of me, telling me all those things. You won't believe, I can actually hear your voice while reading your write-ups.
As I always say. Ashi, your newsletters are like therapy. 🤌