Hey #143: Rules of Society ≠ Rules of Life
I had an insightful conversation recently.
The more I thought about it, the more I realised how this conversation can be helpful to many.
So, I’m sharing that conversation. It happened in Hindi and English. Since we have readers from different countries, I’m translating Hindi parts to English. And modifying a few abrupt ends to make the thought process clearer.
I hope it makes you think and reflect :)
A: Isn't it fucking absurd and lonely that we live in such a society where people participate in social constructs at the cost of their individual authenticity?
B: I see it absurd but I don't take it as a defining parameter in any way of my own life. So, I don’t find it lonely. It’s absurd only.
A: Interesting. You're on the right track then.
B: After all, I always have a choice to choose what I want for my own life. So, I can be shocked at the absurdity, laugh at it, diss it…In the end, my life is mine.
A: But do we have a choice? I mean partially yes. But we have a choice only to an extent. Then you just have to play with the rules of the world if you want to play in the act of life.
B: Rules of society ≠ Rules of life
When we begin to abide by the rules of Life, Life itself tells us a way out of the rules of the society. After all, life is happening in my favor, not against. So, I believe in trusting Life and let everything else come and go.
A: True but I'm speaking holistically. Money, career, romantic relationships, parents relationship, and so on…
B: I don’t see money, career, relationships, etc. as the rules of life tbh. Each of them is a societal construct.
A: Also, do you believe that life is happening in your favour? Or just saying?
B: I do. Even when I'm in excruciating pain and cursing life. Deep within I believe everything is happening for my own good.
A: Bravo. How do you draw the line between social and life constructs?
B: Life doesn’t ask to earn. Life also gives the option to live like a monk. But we don’t want it. So, we earn.
Wishes are the innate nature of being a human. But life doesn’t ask us to chase wishes. Life wants us to understand our wishes. But we chase. Because that’s what we see happening all around us. So, if we don’t chase, we feel fear of missing out on various levels, sometimes to an extent of identity and existential crises
Life has given a family which has brought along responsibilities with it. Life doesn’t tell us to get entangled in those responsibilities. Life teaches in multiple ways to not remain attached. It gives us multiple opportunities to go beyond attachments. But that’s a painful process, so we stick with what we've been doing under "That’s how it happens in a society. Sigh!"
The same applies in romantic relationships. Basically, it applies in every aspect.
A: It makes sense but it’s a deadly process to actualize it.
B: Exactly. Life’s only rule is Death. Die every moment. Because at the core, that's what impermanence is.
A: It’s deadlier when it comes to practical matters, when you have to play along in the world of other humans, be it career or interpersonal life.
B: That's why it's called the trap of illusion. Once you enter it, you realize it’s all an endless maze with all practically approved and understood reasons which justify the madness of this maze.
A: So enlighten the way out? Should I go sit under a tree in the mountains and never play along in "the world"? (Unironically, I'd like that)
B: That's the easiest way out. Like so easy. If you want that, go for it.
The other way is balancing life rules with society rules. And redefining that balance each moment. This method is not efficient. Thus, it's taxing.
So, one more method is to play along in the world only for the play. Play the game. Play it well. But don’t get entangled in it. Build the detachment muscle. Play it. And watch whatever you’re playing as if you’re not the one who is playing.
A: I liked the last few lines.
B: You remember the movie Jumanji? Life is the game of Jumanji.
Once you start playing, you enter the game. Then the only way to come out is to play the game thoroughly until it’s finished. Just have to remember alongside that it’s all a fucking game.
A: Yes. But I only have to play it for 30-40 more years.
B: That's what you think! :)
I’d love to know your thoughts on this conversation. What does it make you think?
🦋
Until next week,
Ashi
ps: I’ve opened slots for 90-min guidance sessions. In these sessions we work on any one challenge of yours which can be related to any area of your life. If you want to avail those sessions, reply to this email/ comment/ DM.