Hey #201: Restless much?
The problem isn’t restlessness
I met a friend a few days back.
She shared how difficult it is for her to rest.
Even when she’s “resting”, something inside her keeps strategising next steps, life, career. To her, that feels like rest.
I asked her, “Do you feel relaxed and fully in the moment, just enjoying and not worrying about anything else while resting this way?”
She replied, “No. I feel like now I have to execute on that strategy before it’s too late. So I’m back to action mode. I don’t know what this restlessness wants.”
Me: “What if you allow yourself to be restless? Be restless without holding yourself back.”
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(after a pause)
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Her: “My mind is not liking this suggestion. But I felt a huge relief when you said that. I let out a deep exhale.”
Me: “So that’s what you need. You want permission to be restless without any judgement, criticism, shame, and guilt. What do you think will happen if you do that?”
Her: “I don’t know. But I’m sure I’ll get to know what this restlessness is all about!”
Me: “And that knowing will help?”
Her: “Certainly!”
Me: “So now you know one reason why it’s hard for you to truly rest.”
Her: “I do?”
Me: “Yeah. Restlessness wants to be seen and accepted. But it scares you. So you reject it. And that rejection creates even more chaos and restlessness inside.”
Her: “Damn! Exactly. I keep telling myself I’m resting. I’ve made myself believe that. Because if I accept otherwise, I’d have to face the restlessness, and I’m already tired of it.”
Me: “Bingo.”
I hope this conversation provides you a different perspective about restlessness.
Sometimes, the problem isn’t that we’re restless. It’s that we’re fighting our restlessness while calling it rest. And what we often need is not more fight and resistance, but permission to be restless.
If you need support in untangling your relationship with rest or restlessness, you can book a clarity call here.
Until next time.
Your Transformation Coach,