Hey #058: Why do we hesitate to accept the fact that we love and want attention?
How to break this hesitation?
Attention.
What does it mean?
Attention means to be in the spotlight, to be noticed, to be taken care of.
Almost every one of us loves attention. Though some of us accept this love unapologetically. Some of us bite our tongue when it comes to accepting it.
We want to say it outloud to ourselves and others, “Yes, I love attention. I want attention.” But we hesitate.
We hesitate because:
we feel guilt and/ or shame for wanting attention
we fear to be judged by others for loving attention
we may have made feel bad about ourselves for wanting attention
By the way, those of us who hesitate in accepting our love of attention judge others who enjoy attention.
I know…the last sentence may have pinched 😅
We judge others for wanting attention because somewhere we judge ourselves for loving attention.
Judgment all around attention, you see!
But why?
Why is there so much judgment around wanting and loving attention?
It’s because of the beliefs like:
Those who want attention are always needy and self-centered
Wanting attention always always means you’re lacking something within yourself
Those who want attention are always fake people
Wanting attention is always a sign of insecurity and low self-esteem
Those who love attention are always dramatic
…and many more
You see the problem with these beliefs?
It’s in the word “always.”
We pick these beliefs from certain experiences (whether of ours or of others). These beliefs may stand true in those experiences. But believing that they are “always” true is how we end up assigning the labels of “bad” and “wrong” to attention.
Yes, there are negative attention-seeking behaviors. But it is NOT always the case.
You can want attention AND have healthy self-esteem
You can love receiving attention even when you don’t feel any “lack” within
You can want attention AND be far away from drama
You can want attention AND be authentic
You can love getting attention without getting caught in the labels of being needy or self-centered
Wanting attention is only natural. It stems from the inevitable need of being a human, that is, connection with others.
As humans, we need connection to live. Connection means a two-way street of love, care and support. The beautiful energy of love, care and support can flow between people only when attention is there.
So it's natural to want attention.
Wanting attention doesn't tell what kind of a person we are. It’s the ways we use to get attention that tells: “Do I want attention to neglect a deep-rooted issue?”
Attention inherently is not good or bad. It just is. It’s our beliefs around attention which make it good or bad.
This means, when we challenge these beliefs, we can arrive at a different conclusion about wanting attention.
How to challenge the beliefs around attention?
Begin from the beginning.
Ask yourself:
Why do I think that attention and/ or wanting attention is bad or wrong? Is it my belief? Or have I picked this belief from somewhere else?
These questions will unlock the fragments of memories/ conversations/ experiences from your life (personal, professional…whole of it) which will give you evidence for why you believe what you believe about attention.
These fragments can be discomforting. Sit with these. Observe. Write if needed.
Is it a memory of you loving attention as a kid and being called "too needy or dramatic?"
Does it remind you of any relationship where your expectation to get attention from the other person was shamed by them?
Is it an experience where you found someone loving attention and using it for wrong reasons, hence you concluded that everyone who loves attention is wrong?
Is it a memory of you being told by the people you look up to that only unfair people want attention?
Does it make you recall the times when you were made fun of for wanting the spotlight (literally or metaphorically)?
These fragments can be anything. Nonetheless, they'll be something.
That something is where we begin to rewire our beliefs about attention.
New beliefs like:
Loving attention needn't make me self centered
Loving attention needn't define who I'm as a person
Loving attention needn't make me "needy"
Loving attention needn't rob me of my inner peace
Loving attention needn't fuel my insecurities
These new beliefs will give you an insight:
It's always our choice how we use attention. We can use it. Or let it use us.
To arrive at this insight, we must first dare to investigate our beliefs around attention.
Otherwise, we won't get curious to understand: "Why do I love attention? What stops me from accepting the fact that I love and want attention?”
Without questioning our beliefs, we won’t get to know whether we have unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors or not.
And we’ll continue to be stuck in “loving and wanting attention but not accepting this want, henceforth finding it difficult to ask for or receive attention."
Feels like a cage, no?
Free yourself. Don't deny what you know is true.
"I love attention. I want attention."
Say it. Own it.
Unapologetically.
🦋
Until next Thursday,
Ashi
(this is me on LinkedIn)
ps: Now you can request a HeyEmotions edition 😊
If there is a specific topic/ question on which you are seeking perspectives, let me know. I’ll share my reflections on that topic in a HeyEmotions edition.
Additional relevant reads:
What would happen if we stop trying to impress everyone (INCLUDING ourselves)?
Truly beautiful, well-worded and well-addressed. I don't know why exactly , but this put a smile on my face, maybe it's because it felt very relatable what you pointed out here.
Keep on writing (typing) and spread more love and awareness !!!